Contributed by: Lisa Thompson
I’m excited to share with you a new document called the “Code of Conduct for Men in the 21st Century.” It was authored by Brian Iselin, a person recently introduced to me by Patricia Green. For those of you who don’t know, Patricia founded Rahab Ministries in Thailand http://www.rahabministriesthailand.org , and is now spearheading a program in Germany to combat the prostituting of women called The Alabaster Jar.
We are grateful to Brian for his authorship of this document and the values and principles it incorporates. We are also indebted to him for allowing us to make this code publicly available. You can now find the Code on The Salvation Army National Headquarters website at http://www.salvationarmyusa.org/trafficking. Go to the Prayer & Fasting Weekend page, and click on “the code of conduct for men” available as menu option on the right of the screen.
Please read the code, adopt it, twitter it, facebook it, share it with your families & friends & coworkers, talk about it with your adolescent children.
When talking about the demand for commercial sex Brian said, “a butterfly flapping its wings somewhere in the world [i.e. a man purchasing sex] leads to a hurricane somewhere else.” So, let’s change that by unleashing a hurricane of “no demand” — a hurricane of respect, dignity, integrity, and good.
Code of Conduct for Men in the 21st Century
1. I REJECT unconditionally all violence against women and children.
2. I REJECT the buying of sex with women and children.
3. I WILL intervene when I see a man beating a woman.
4. I WILL NOT beat my wife or partner.
5. I WILL INTERVENE when my male colleagues, friends, or family belittle or degrade women.
6. I RECOGNIZE prostitution as harmful to women and will do everything I can to see the end of it.
7. I REJECT the buying of pornography, recognizing it as sexual exploitation.
8. I WILL NOT BUY products that advertise by exploiting women’s bodies when it has nothing at all to do with the product.
9. I WILL NOT visit clubs and bars that exploit women through ‘exotic’ dancing.
10. I WILL NOT BUY newspapers and magazines that advertise sexual services.
11. I REJECT all forms of sexual harassment, including wolf whistling, sexual insinuations, and unauthorized physical contact.
12. I WILL INTERVENE when my male colleagues, friends, or family engage in sexual harassment.
13. I WILL RESPECT my female colleagues and partners as equals.
14. I RECOGNIZE decision-making at home is about equality and partnership.
15. I WILL ENCOURAGE other men to adopt and live by this code, including teaching it to my children
Authored by: Brian Iselin, 2009
Alabaster Jar ex..
Filed under: Domestic Violence, ERA, Feminism, Misogyny/Sexism, Sexist Advertising, Violence against women, Women in Politics, Women's Rights | Tagged: Blatant sexism, Domestic Violence, ERA, Feminism, Free US Now, Lisa Thompson, Male domination, Media Bias, Misogyny/Sexism, protesting sexism, Sexism, The Majority United, Violence against women, women, women against women |
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I don’t think it is that simple or one sided. When “one side” capitulates in all areas to another side, the other side just gets lazy.
Women reading this might want to look at The Pornography Effect: Understanding for the Wives, Mothers, Daughters, Sisters and Girlfriends; at:
http://www.thepornographyeffect.wordpress.com
The Code of Conduct below has some items which are excellent, should be common-sense and should go without saying. Specifically these items: 1 – 5, 9, and 11 – 15 fall in this class. 😉 The world would be a much better place if everyone lived according to those rules.
Items 6 8 – and 10 are a little unrealistic and permit me to explain why:
6 – The world’s oldest profession — prostitution – there is no easy answer to this one. Should men stop being johns? Absolutely. But women who prostitute themselves need to stop also…..does society benefit more with prostitution being illegal, or when it’s legal and regulated? I’m not taking a position either way – but it’s something that’s been debated for decades with no simple answer. Also…some “normal” relationships to include some marriages are little more than dolled up prostitution (“marriage of convenience” quite likely could be regarded as prostitution).
7. Porn — same issue as prostitution.
8. That’s a lot of products you won’t be buying….Any semi-smart business person knows feminine beauty sells. It’s why waitresses get much bigger tips than waiters (I don’t tip that way, but from most people, that’s just the way it is). It’s done in subtle and not so subtle ways. It’s done in politics as well.
10. Try to find ONE newspaper that does not advertise some sort of sex-related service. To comply with this one means you must stop reading newspapers. Magazines are different story – especially magazines on specific subject matter. I don’t expect to find an escort service ad in AOPA Pilot…..but in the local paper – every paper carries them. Every last one of them. It’s all about money.
And when it comes down to the first two items – they too are all about money.
Being on the forefront of promoting Sarah Palin’s Accomplishments, I see the sexism and misogyny that’s hurled at her every day, so I know about which you speak and what this Code tries to address…and we should address these things. I just think as we do so, we to not go overboard in idealism…..which is where an item like No. 10 goes. People are not going to stop reading newspapers….and we don’t want people rejecting the Code in toto over these few items….because most people’s minds tend to function all or nothing when it comes to processing stuff to use. Critical thinking is woefully lacking these days.
Thanks for lending me your eyes.
Lisa, thanks for this. I think it’s GREAT!
Marriage is a cornerstone to our society. I personally cannot fathom how 50% of marriages can survive for more than a decade.
i believe the people who get married are still a long way from becoming the people they are meant to be, and there just is no guarantee that both partners will be able to replenish the physical attraction they probably felt when they first fell in love with other just as tangible intimacies, while also possibly raising kids.
I bring the marriage issue up because many of the solutions offered above may be brought on by marriages that don’t evolve. If lack of an evolving marriage leads to some of the behavior up above, should we also outlaw marriages that don’t evolve in a way that could help prevent the above behavior?
And, how do we do that?
Alessandro, I think exploitation in any form results from a lack of empathy for our fellow human beings.
I like the idea of a statement that our boys & men can grow up with and commit themselves to. It brings things down to the basics and gives them a focus. This one may be imperfect, but it looks like a fantastic start to me!
[…] Here’s something — posted by Lisa Thompson at the blog Free Me Now — a few women will say “Amen” to; a Code of Conduct for Men in the 21st Century. […]
Formulating a general Code of Conduct for Men is a tall order. Rules being what they are, one should not try to directly define offences. That is a job for the courts. Rather, provide guidelines on what to do in the event of witnessing an offence where women and children are concerned. I submit the following for discussion:
1. Let it be given and understood that in general we are asserting that all women and children are under your protection; but certainly not your control. If needed, be prepared to take immediate and decisive action according to the situation and social mores of your local.
2. Do no harm to any woman or child.
3. Do not permit harm to befall any woman or child due to your action(s) or inaction(s), or anyone else’s including their own.
4. Do not permit harm to befall yourself while engaged in a protective action.
5. If force must be used to defend or protect, only use what is necessary to stop the offensive act, not to invoke punishment for it.
6. If you feel the offence (once stopped) be severe enough and you feel compelled to notify the authorities (or families, parents, guardians, educators…), do so without delay or prejudice.
There. That ought to stir things up a bit.