From a broken heart

By: Barbara

I am sitting here in the most excruciating physical pain caused by my fractured clavical, broken collarbone.

Me, the author of many posts about violence against women is sitting here with a broken collarbone unable to move without pain, a victim of violence. The target of some ones rage, someone’s inability to comprehend “keep your hands to yourself”

Sitting in the ER Monday night after the physical was numbed my thoughts turned to the emotional and it hit me like a ton of bricks I believed I fully comprehended how it feels to be the victim of violence without ever having been a victim of violence.

Life as they say has a funny way of changing your perspective especially when it’s you walking the walk.

While it was not a spouse who assaulted me it is someone I love deeply. Sitting here with the realization that not only the physical of my life is shattered, my first mass as a Eucharistic minister, my job, being in pain and immobile for 6-8 weeks but it is the sense of knowing that I will heal physically but I will never heal emotionally that is so overwhelming to me.

She did this and when I texted her and said “you broke my collarbone, thank you, she texted back “you’re welcome” and I look at those words and can’t believe they were written by the person I believed was compassionate, kind, loving, caring and incapable not only of the violence, BUT the words that have forever changed our relationship and my belief in Her.

 I am reminded of a saying I’ve spoken a thousand times–“When someone shows you who they, are Believe them” Maya Angelou

Unaware that one day I’d be the one sitting here so devastated by having to believe what she has shown me. I now know that the most difficult part of the violence is not the physical that I once believed it was but the unrelenting emotional pain that my beloved friend, the one I placed my highest hopes and dreams upon, did this to me.

So, I hear you now when you speak from the broken heart.

 https://freemenow.wordpress.com/2009/04/11/keep-your-hands-to-yourself/

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30 Responses

  1. OMG (((((Barbara))))))

    My heart is breaking for you. I know what violence is like and the pain it causes in your soul. Please know that I am there with you in spirit, holding your hand. You are not alone and many, including me love you.

  2. Thank you for commenting – we need lots of love and prayers for our dear Barbara. She really needs our support right now – she is down and out for 6-8 weeks – and trust me – she needs our love and support to get through this.

  3. I cross posted to Pumapac and will put up on my facebook also. I will copy and paste comments here, so they are all in one place for Barbara to read!

    We need to rally around Barbara, she has done so much good for so many women, helping them in their times of violence. It’s now time for everyone to give back!

  4. I can’t believe something like this happened!
    My thoughts and prayers are with you, Barbara.

  5. Barbara,

    BigCatLover 12.09.10 at 3:41 pm

    goofsmom
    So the attack was on FLBarbara by another woman who is a friend? How horrible. Once the shock wears off, she needs to check out legal action to wake the other woman up to what she did. Trying to heal from a broken bone is long and painful, but it’s important to take care of the rest of your body since it can affect the rest of your healh and immune system. It took me months to stop suffering seemingly unrelated illnesses after I broke my big toe this summer, even though the toe itself healed just fine. I’m just now starting to feel better in general.

  6. PumaRhythm 12.09.10 at 4:32 pm

    #240 goofsmom

    OMG FlaBarbara..
    I am so sorry this happened to you. Please know that I am thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.You are a wonderful woman and this world is very lucky to have you…please be well.

    XOXOXO
    PumaRhythm (patti)

    http://pumapac.org/2010/11/27/open-thread-17/comment-page-5/#comment-463249

  7. From my FB posting Re Barbara

    From Ann W.:

    OMG I hope she’s going to be ok. Send her love n prayers from me.
    (i go by atargetnomore too )

  8. I know what you are going through and offer mu support. I am always here to support a true fighter and fellow supporter of good causes.
    I have also recently been attacked as a result of my attack on a long-term Senator in Texas. I have now been charged with Domestic Violence and have spent over $2000 in Attorney fees. Fortunately, I will win due to the lack of evidence. But, still I am always held a victim and feel insecure in my own home now.
    My wife was also attacked by a threat to reduce her SSDI payments and make her payback over 2 years of Texas Medicaid premiums. I fought that and WON!!!

  9. From FB for Barbara

    M A Greenstein Phd
    u have my ‘brain aware” thoughts and compassion.

  10. Wish I was your spouse! I hate violence against women because I saw my mother receive to much of it at the hands of my step-dad, but the female that did this to you needs a lesson in how not to treat friends by the hands of someone that’s seen an expert at it in action!

  11. Our Dear, Dear Barbara,

    I have a message for the “woman” who responded to the news of the severity of the injuries that she inflicted:

    “You’re Welcome”

    May I be the one to publicly inform her that:

    You have landed in the midst of a lot of outraged women – and men – whose mantra is:

    “NOT ONE OF US SHOULD EVER FALL… NOT ONE”

    …especially by the hand of another woman.

    Please know that You Are in Your Sisters’ Arms, Babara, and how we may assist you?

    ((((((((Barbara))))))))))

  12. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart but I would like the focus to be on my new found awareness that I sadly never realized the emotional pain that victims of domestic violence must deal with. I can honestly say I never gave it too much thought, I never realized how a woman must feel looking into the eyes of her attacker and having it be a loved one. Even with the honor killings how did these daughters, wives, sisters feel knowing the person taking their life was a loved one. I think of the faces of these woman and girls and their terror is now compounded with their heartbreak. Yes,I now know how Louisa and Denise felt? I now know how all of you felt. I don’t think we as a society. Comprehend that. For survivors We offer medical, shelters etc but not so much emotional support and maybe that’s what I will focus on now.
    It is as its suppose to be..we are all here to learn and I am learning to be a better voice for women.
    Blessings let’s focus on speaking to every aspect of violence.

    • I am so sorry that you have to feel the sting of this! You don’t seserve this none of us do and you are so right that it is easy for those down in DC to gather money and have meetings and spout rhetoric but they know nothing of what it is to really walk in the shoes of those of us who are on the front lines.

      But you Barbara have been on the front lines holding up the beaten – you did not have to feel this pain to know the horror- you have been such an angel – never for a moment should you believe you needed to have this lesson.

      The scar of a loved one hurting us is never forgotten – I hope our love softens the blow but I know it can never take away the pain of a broken heart. They say Jesus died of a broken heart not of the wounds- please let our love and his blood keep you alive to keep on keeping on!
      The Lord has plans for the likes of you dear woman!

  13. (((Barbara)))

    You have done so much for so many. Let us love you back!

  14. From Pumapac.

    RememberNovember 12.09.10 at 5:48 pm

    FLBarbara – I am so sorry this has happened to you – you are in my thoughts and I hope your physical and emotional pain will soon be eased. Sending a gentle hug…

  15. ((Barb)) I am so sorry that your best friend did this to you. I think many of us have had our worlds shattered by someone we really loved, and it is much more painful than the physical pain.

    Your PUMAs send out a big hug.

    May your past friend finally realize the damage she has done.

  16. I am overwhelmed and hugs and love to all
    of you, my heart is smiling and just now then
    when my broken wing is mended I will fly out
    of heren something I should have done along time
    ago..for another lesson learned is you can’t rescue
    Someone who doesn’t want to be rescued no
    Matter how painful you sometimes need to realize
    That the greatest gift you give yourself when
    someone doesn’t love and respect you is to walk
    away (how many times have I spoken those words)
    Blessings

  17. Have I told you lately that you are one of my SHEROS?

    Barbara, you are one of my SHEROS – you inspire me to be the best advocate for women that I can be – to simply do the best that I can, with what I have.

    Thank you – with much love and respect for the woman you are.

    It isn’t what you do that amazes me, it’s the “who” you are, that you do it with.

  18. Barbara, You are so loved. See all the folks who came here to hug you? Relax- stay safe and as soon as you can fly – we will fly you home where you will be safe again! You have my word- consider it done! You are flying south snow bird- flying away home! I promise! With love!

  19. So, so, sorry! Hope you recover soon!

  20. You don’t realize how often I look at Pumapac to see what you have to say to help us get through this madness.
    You are such a blessing.
    I don’t understand why this happened, but your wisdom won’t be matched.
    Please let us know how we can help financially.

  21. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{FLBarbara}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

  22. More love from the Pumapac

    HP Boston 12.09.10 at 10:33 pm

    (((((FLBarbara)))))
    This is so damn sad, it pains me to know you are hurt.
    I am so sorry to hear of your pain.

    ——————————-
    Zee 12.09.10 at 10:42 pm

    goofsmom. thank you so much for informing us of FL Barbara’s unbelievable ordeal.

    (((FL Barbara))) So sorry for both your physical pain and inner pain.

    It sounds so simple…when someone tells you who they are, believe them…but sometimes our hearts have spun an idealistic version of who the person really is. May your strength of heart carry you through and your healing be swift.

    Trying not to be horrified….but I will say you remind me of a strong woman I’ve only known online who survived and overcame the most shocking heartache and loss. And I believe you will maintain and emerge with your same grace, strength, and many other attributes which inspire others from afar.

    I don’t know if my thoughts and best wishes can help, but I do know there are many sending you the same…and hoping it does help.

    ————————————-
    HP Boston 12.09.10 at 10:33 pm

    (((((FLBarbara)))))
    This is so damn sad, it pains me to know you are hurt.
    I am so sorry to hear of your pain.

    ———————————–
    Dragonfly 12.10.10 at 1:44 pm

    FL Barbara, I hope you feel better soon! (((FL Barbara)))

  23. My Dear Sweet Friends

    I am a better woman for having walked part of this
    Journey with you all.

    My love and Blessings for your encouragement
    We still have a long way to walk.

    Thanks for holding my hand through a difficult time
    Love You All from the bottom of my heart that will sing again

  24. Barb,
    I am so sorry to hear what happened. I personally have felt that physical pain when I fell down some stairs, so I do know what you are going through. I cannot fathom the pain in your torn heart. I say torn, because you will heal, and you will be the stronger for it. Your heart will only be “broken” if you let it, and I know you are stronger than that and you will not give her that power over you.
    If there is anything at all I can do for you please let me know. I will pray for you daily, and send the most positive of thoughts your way. You will be stronger, mentally and physically than ever before… you will be a force to be reckoned with. I love you.

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