Frats Invite Sluts, Bitches; Women Accept Degradation. Why?

“Dear Bitches, I mean witches.”

So began Duke’s Alpha Delta Phi’s e-mailed invitation to their Halloween party. It continues just as charmingly:

“The Brothers of Alpha Delta Phi know what true fear is. Fear is having someone say ‘I love you.’ … Fear is riding the C1 with Helen Keller at the helm (not because shes deaf and blind, but because she is a woman). Fear is waking up with no wallet, phone, keys, or front tooth next to a girl who you could generously deem a 3.”

Not to be outdone, Duke’s Sigma Nu frat offered their own enticement:

“Whether your dressing up as a slutty nurse, a slutty doctor, a slutty schoolgirl, or just a total slut, we invite you to find shelter in the confines of Partners D.”

Ummm, how appealing! (And I don’t just mean their grammar and spelling.)

Someone had the sense to print out the invites and scrawl handwritten messages: “If you’re not outraged, you’re not paying attention,” “Is this why you came to Duke?” and then wallpaper the campus.

Strangely, sorority sisters interviewed took it all in stride as “boys-will-be-boys.”

“Honestly, when I first received those e-mails I didn’t think anything of it,” said Emily Fausch, of Delta Delta Delta sorority. “This is the kind of thing I’ve come to expect from fraternities. In my heart, I know it’s a problem but I’ve really gotten used to it. I don’t take it too seriously. I think that college boys will be college boys.”

Frat boys routinely degrade women in attempts to create a sense of male superiority and “manhood” by putting women down, according to sociologist, Michael Kimmel. 

But why do women so often support their own disgrace by continuing to fraternize with the frats? This woman’s comment that she’s simply gotten used to it is telling.

We live in a society that sees women as lesser-than, and which sexualizes male dominance. Both lay the groundwork to accepting ill treatment.

A few quick examples: Man, brother, and guy encompass women, but woman, sister, and gal don’t encompass men. So man becomes primary, and woman secondary. A woman marries and becomes Mrs. Leonard Smith. A man never becomes Mrs. Emily Struthers. Unless it’s an insult. Send a card from the family? Likely dad’s name goes first, then mom’s, then the children in order of appearance. Men tend to feel insulted taking the secondary spot. Women are just used to it.

We sexualize male dominance when Rhett takes Scarlett up the stairs for a night of marital rape and Scarlett cheerfully awakens the next morning. Or when Rihanna sings about enjoying mistreatment from her man, while Eminem celebrates abusing women. Watching women enjoy humiliation in porn or mainstream movies like The Secretary also eroticizes male dominance. The list goes on.

Continually treated as secondary, second rate treatment becomes taken-for-granted, invisible. The women are used to it. It seems natural. Sometimes even sexy.

As frat brothers intensify the world of insult, women acclimate to the higher level shame.

All this teaches women to accept attitudes and behavior that regard them as second-class.

A college roommate of mine dated a frat boy who treated her like dirt. She defended him to all of us who cared about her. She certainly learned to accept her own humiliation.

Georgia Platts

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17 Responses

  1. BINGO!
    You just summarized my thesis!
    This has been coming ON FOR MANY YEARS, getting increasingly worse year by year until it is now normal for both male and femal to see females in just this light.
    I call it the sexualization of America from bith to death!
    It is the reason I founded TMU and has tried to bring women together from both sides of the aisle to fight it.
    Liberal women do themselves no favors going along with this and Conservative women do themselves no favor saying only sluts partake.

    This problem belongs to every child who is born and raised in the US – even in the modern world and subjected to a daily dose of this everywhere they look in everything they hear!

    I have been reporting on this for over 30 years and run a series every year .

    Sexploitation of seven year olds https://freemenow.wordpress.com/2010/05/12/sexploitation-of-seven-year-olds/
    Sexualizing America 1 of 12 https://freemenow.wordpress.com/2010/09/16/sexualizing-america-1-of-12/
    Sexualizing America 2 of 12 https://freemenow.wordpress.com/2010/09/16/sexualizing-america-1-of-12/
    Sexualizing America 3 of 12 https://freemenow.wordpress.com/2010/09/26/sexualizing-america-3-of-12/
    Sexualizing America 4 of 12 https://freemenow.wordpress.com/2010/09/28/sexualizing-america-4-of-12/
    Sexualizing America 5 of 12 https://freemenow.wordpress.com/2010/09/28/sexualizing-america-5-of-12/
    Sexualizing America 6 of 12 https://freemenow.wordpress.com/2010/10/17/sexualizing-america-6-of-12/
    Sexualizing America 7 of 12 https://freemenow.wordpress.com/2010/10/19/sexualizing-america-7-of-12/
    Sexualizing America 8 -12 https://freemenow.wordpress.com/2010/11/01/sexualizing-america-8-12-2/
    Sexualizing America 9-12 https://freemenow.wordpress.com/2010/11/08/sexualizing-america-9-12-2/
    In the land of the free and the home of the brave https://freemenow.wordpress.com/2009/01/01/in-the-land-of-the-free-and-the-home-of-the-brave/
    Beastiality: On Primetime TV? https://freemenow.wordpress.com/2010/01/10/beastiality-on-primetime-tv/

    • Thanks for your comment. I really appreciate your perspective. But I wouldn’t say that liberal women go along with it.

      • I did not mean to offend but surely your question was addressed to Women who accept this behavior- or else why did you ask ? I was answering a direct question. I did not mean all Liberal women by any means I somewhat Liberal woulod never respond to that by any stretch, but was referring to what you yourself wrote and I quote.

        ” But why do women so often support their own disgrace by continuing to fraternize with the frats? This woman’s comment that she’s simply gotten used to it is telling.”

        In addition- With so many liberal women’s organizations out there – where is the outrage? The proof is in the pudding! This would not be rampant unless we as the majority were tolerating it and I can assure you we are as evidenced by this piece.

        Yes – Liberal women do tolerate it and yes Conservative women blame it on Liberals and that is their sin of ommission. It’s all bullshit- they are fooling no one!

        In either case its our fault all 52% of us left and right alike and equally. Perhaps i should have made that clear- I apologize. If we are going to be big girls than let’s take responsibility for allowing this to happen.

        It is all well and good for us to claim Liberal women don’t go along with it but who is buying the music that degrades them and who is dancing ( if you can call that movement dancing) and who is hooking up and giving blow jobs all over the damned place and being UN repressed. And finally who is and wearing the slut clothes and the pants that say BITCH across the tits and ass?

        It was Joy that Said Bitch is a title reserved for her friends not the Conservative on “The View”

        The guys are reacting to what they are handed by the media and the media is pushing what the market will bear and the market bears what the women will buy and clearly- our liberal ladies are buying this crap!

        I am an Independent who thought I was a total Liberal until I realized that Liberal is what Joplin said – nothing left to lose.

        Conservatives are Ostriches who when they do come up for air have not a clue. They think they can pray bad things away and their daughters will be safe and perfect and theri hubbies … well they think theri hubbies are just below Christ himself .

        When women on both sides finally figure out we are all being played like violins – perhaps we will start singing to our own tunes insead of the ones we are fine tuned to squeak to.

        Forgive me – but “Every great oak tree was once a nut that stood its ground” I am one such nut! I happen to think we are wonderful works of art that do not neatly fit into any mumbo jumbo box that can be explained by anyone.

        I think – we ought to be set free to stupify the world with the truth of the wonder of WOMAN.

  2. Sooo…you really consider sex between an espoused woman and a man is “marital rape” ? Wow…

  3. I was asking Jim- based on his statement if he did not consider it rape .

    ” He said “Sooo…you really consider sex between an espoused woman and a man is “marital rape” ? Wow…”

    I wanted to be sure he was saying what I thought he was saying!

  4. Well, in the 19th century, there was no such thing as marital rape. To quote Matthew Hale, the wife “hath given up herself in this kind unto her husband, which she cannot retract.” Marital (spousal) rape is a 20th century concept.

    From what I understand of the plot, however, she married him for financial reasons (at least in part). I admit that I’m disadvantaged by not having read Margaret Mitchell’s book nor seen the movie. There’s a word for that…mercenary.

    If she didn’t want to sleep with him, she shouldn’t have married him–or left him. Or maybe Rhett should have just kicked her to the curb for what was essentially breach of contract.

    • In the nineteenth century there was also slavery. Just because you had it, and it was legal, doesn’t make it ok. Meanwhile, scenes like the one I wrote of in GWTW teach people to find male dominance sexy. And that promotes male dominance.

      Whatever Scarlett did does not make rape ok.

      • I think you cite a poor example, and, in so doing, diminish and trivialize the horror that is actual rape. If Scarlett had truly felt violated and brutalized by Rhett after their encounter, it’s unlikely that she “cheerfully awakens the next morning.” I feel as if I’ve inadvertently stumbled into a meeing of the Kotex Mafia®.

        • Jim,
          I absolutely agree with you on this and it is why I did not respond.
          My original comment was not about a fictional character and certainly appauling as for over 30 years my research has shown the media, advertising , movies and music is dictating to women what we are now bing brainwashed into believing is fact.

          I do not buy into the unrepressed free gifts liberated women are bestowing nor the conservative gifts God demands women to bestow on man.

          A woman’s body is her own to do with as she pleases and she owes it to no man so unless she chooses to be a prostitute in or out of marriage- I call it rape when a man touches a women against her will.

          Women are being brainwashed to think it is enjoyable to perform like circus animals for treats, jewels or money especially if the one she is copulating with is a selfish dirty jack rabbit!

          That is my opinion and that of thousands of other women as well- regardless of what the books tell you other societies do!

        • The point of my post wasn’t how horrible rape was, it is how we eroticize violence against women with (the fictional character) Scarlett waking up happily after a night of marital rape. And when we eroticize violence and dominance against women, we make male dominance seem sexy, which makes women more inclined to accept it. To accept putdowns, secondary position, etc.

          My comment that a woman doesn’t deserve to be raped had to do w/you comment that she asked for it by marrying for money.

          • I guess I wasn’t clear.

            IMHO, when you marry, sex is a part of the deal (and marriage is a “deal”–that’t why it’s called a contract). Sex is expected and understood. I’m not talking about one party saying “Not tonight, I’ve got a headache” occasionally; no one should have to perform constantly, but in the particular instance of Scarlett and Rhett, for her to marry him, expect him to to provide for her and tell him she wouldn’t sleep with him is farcical.

            Actually, I’m pretty much on the same page with the rest of your analysis regarding male dominance et. al.except for your “marital rape” characterization. If you’re married and don’t want to have sex with your spouse/paramour anymore, get out, get away, get divorced. If they touch you after that, THEN you betcha they go to jail.

  5. Well Jim, I really have to agree with you .

    In all but a marriage of convenience where the arrangement is otherwise prearranged not to include sex it is assumed there will be marital sex.

    Marital rape on the other hand is is not loving and consentual and bears no resemblance to making love to your partner – it is definately rape otherwise know as a power play that leaves the women without control.

    Jim, consider the relationship- if it is a loving and considerate relationship there would be no need for martial coersion- if it comes to that point we are now talking about a relationship where she is not loving him and he is taking what he wants violently because he owns it!

    From there we agree again – get a divorce! The relationship is over.

  6. Found on the other site and had to share it:
    “I feel like maybe women don’t see how much they are being devalued unless something big happens…To be honest my freshman year at a four year college was an extreme learning experience, all I wanted was to be in a sorority just like my friends. Why do young girls tend to want to be in a sorority? Because fraternity boys want to date sorority girls. The dorms were coed floors and on our floor were guys from the basket ball team and lacrosse team. Looking back I wonder why girls were apt to do the guys laundry, to help them with the homework (if not do it for them), to even clean there dorm rooms. Were they just being helpful or were they working above and beyond to get male attention only to be used and thrown away later. Why did we not see that the attention we were getting from guys was disrespectful , I guy saying wow you have a big rack or I wanna see those girls make out was disrespectful . Unfortunately I remember all too well a friend crying after sleeping with a guy on the basketball team and later her being deemed a slut who sleeps around. Just in one year there were many encounters that were similar to this, always ending in the guy being the man and the women being trashy. Maybe younger women growing up in a generation that for the most part has always had rights, we fail to see what we don’t have.”

  7. […] young woman using the blog name Tamara recently commented on a blog post entitled Frats Invite Sluts, Bitches; Women Accept Degradation. Why? as […]

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